“When you reach calmer waters, save some money.”
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There are hard seasons, and then there are the ones that knock the ground from under you completely.
Aunty Kiri was in her late forties when everything changed at once. The family business was struggling, money was tight, and the stress was sitting heavy on the whole whānau. Then one day, while Kiri and her daughter were at school and work, her husband left. No warning. Just gone.
Kiri was left to fend for herself and her daughter, with no job or ability to cover their mortgage. She was also dealing with heavy emotions and the mental health fallout from the sudden departure of her husband. "I didn't have time to fall apart," she says. "I had to look after my tamaiti."
She moved herself and her daughter in with her mother and sister. It wasn't the life she'd pictured, but it was a roof, kai on the table, and aroha while she got back on her feet. She found a contract role in Wellington, while daughter stayed behind in Auckland, cared for by her sister.
Every payday, Kiri sent money home to her whānau to help cover her daughter's costs, then set aside everything she could until the contract ended. She lived lean. When the mahi came to an end, she had enough to tide them both over until the next opportunity came.
Was it hard? “Āe, it was hard. I won't pretend otherwise,” Kiri says. But looking back, she can see what she was building – even when it felt like they were just surviving. "I made a vow to myself during that time that I would never get into this situation again."
What carried her through wasn't just discipline, though she had plenty of that. It was her whānau, who stepped in without being asked and held everything together. That meant everything. "You can stand in your mana, supported by the people who love you,” she says, "That's not weakness. That's just how we do things."
“Hard seasons happen”
Aunty Kiri also wants to name something that doesn't get talked about enough. Financial hardship can carry shame. Not because it should – but because our sense of mana and self-worth can get tangled up in the state of our bank balance. She felt it herself, and she's seen it in others. That’s why she says money and mental wellbeing go hand in hand.
"They're connected," she says. "When one suffers, so does the other. You can't look after your money if you're not looking after yourself."
Her advice for anyone going through a hard season is not to try to fix everything at once. “If you’re feeling hōhā, try to focus on the now. Take it āta haere – gently, steadily,” she says. “Then when you reach calmer waters, save some money. Invest. Sort your KiwiSaver. Build a buffer so the next unexpected thing doesn't take you all the way down.”
“Because hard seasons happen. That's just life. What matters is what you have in place when they do,” she says. “I learned that the hard way, but I want to help others get the lesson without all the stress.”